An email at work…

Recent terrorist threats and reported Anthrax incidents have increased anxiety and concern about the possibility of chemical and biological contamination through the mail. The likelihood of receiving a package or letter containing a suspicious substance is very remote, however it is still prudent that we maintain a heightened level of awareness and take reasonable precautionary measures. It is also important that we maintain our sense of calm and do not overreact to this remote threat. We have no reason to believe that any [[Company Name]] employee or facility is or will be a target.
[[Company Name]] mailrooms have been advised to be alert for suspicious letters and packages before they are delivered. A suspicious package or letter may have some of the following characteristics:
# It is not expected and the name of the sender is unusual or unknown. No sender name or return address.
# Excessive or inadequate postage.
# Handwriting that is unusual or indicates a foreign style not normally received. Common words or names are misspelled.
# Addressed to a title only or a name with the wrong title. It may have a restrictive endorsement, such as “personal” or “confidential.”
# A strange odor or oily stains on it.
# Heavy for its size. It may be bulky or oddly shaped, or feels like it contains a powdery substance.
# An unusual amount of tape on it. If you receive a suspicious package/letter or open a package/letter containing a suspicious powdery substance, you should:
# Leave the letter or package alone. Do not move it, touch it, or smell it. Alert others nearby to evacuate the immediate area.
# Immediately notify site security or the site facilities manager who will contact local law enforcement. If your site does not have security or a facilities manager, contact law enforcement immediately.
# Remain in the immediate area to minimize the spread of contamination and wait for trained medical and emergency personnel to arrive.
# Report incident to {{…}}
If exposure to Anthrax has occurred – and this can only be confirmed through medical testing – the victim is not contagious and the condition is treatable with antibiotics if identified early. You can obtain more information from the Centers for Disease Control.

Picture I saw on MSN (October 8, 2001)

kabul1.jpg

That picture was taken last week, all of there homes look like that. The media is just going for sympathy
Mike Hofer
———————————————–

that pile of rubble is the Afghan equivalent of a couch in the front yard
James Calzone
—–Original Message—–
From: James Hofer
Sent: Monday, October 08, 2001 12:12 PM

Subject:

<< File: kabul1.jpg >>
I just saw this picture on MSN ( http://www.msnbc.com/news/627086.asp?pne=msn ) – Is he giving us the bird?

Jim Hofer
Last Updated:8/7/2002 7:40:39 AM2

We’re more nuts than you…

This is a post from a CNN message board:


Orion Ramsey – Friday, 09/21/01, 2:35:00pm (#58980 of 58989)

To those extremists that perpetrated this crime against our nation, I have a warning for you. There are those of us who look at your actions as irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman. By all measures, what you have done can only be seen as insane.

I have news for you. We”re more nuts than you, and it should scare you s***less.

You may think that when you die for your cause, you go to Paradise with 72 virgins, can leave reservations for 70 members of your family, all your sins are forgiven, and you sit at the side of Allah.

Big deal.

We had 39 guys who rented a Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their nuts, built a web site, and proceeded to poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with aliens out on the Hale-Bopp comet.

You shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories over enemies, and people are killed by the bullets raining down on them. We not only do this for New Year”s Eve in some cities, but we burn houses down, tear up streets, loot and sack our stores, and beat our selves senseless when our sports teams win championships. Sports teams!

We made a sequel to Police Academy 5. We gave an award for singing to two guys who never even sang. We put little sweaters on dogs. We shot John Lennon six times and didn”t even aim for Yoko Ono. We think Elvis is still alive. We put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines. We think that a simple button on a web site that says “Do not click if you”re under 21″ will do anything but cause a person under 21 to click on it.

We take a large chunk of the island on which those buildings you destroyed sat and pretend that it isn”t a part of our country after all, let people fly in to our airports that we want to kill, drive them in limousines to speak against us on this “pretend territory” land, let them drive back to our airport, and let them fly them back home without a scratch.

We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight. We can”t even decide if pitchers should have to bat for themselves or not. All those baseball fields we”ve got. none of them are even remotely the same size.

We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us that God was going to kill him if he didn”t raise enough money. When he didn”t get enough money, he didn”t die. So we gave him more money in celebration of the fact that God didn”t make him die.

We”ve managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken secret for decades, we encrypt the most banal communications on our Information Superhighway, and yet we given away our most important nuclear secrets to the Chinese and Russians at the drop of a hat.

And yet, with all this on the A-1 Psycho balance sheet, you still think you”re more nuts than us that this won”t result in your complete and utter annihilation?

One way or another, your way of life will be over, period.

Freedom”s kind of a crazy, kooky, nutty thing when you look really close at it and all the bizarre and loony things that can result from it, but it”s better than any other ideas anybody else has come up with. It”s been that way since 1776, and built to last no matter how insanely we try to screw it up on a daily basis.

We are even so nuts and ruthless enough as a nation to start insanely tearing at those of ourselves that even remotely resemble you in such rancorous, deplorable, and angry ways that will make you wonder if Allah has enough glue to piece enough of you back together for a flesh paperweight in Paradise.

We may not know where you are now, but when we do I guarantee you that the majority of our high school children will still have no idea where on the globe where you are or where you will end up being buried. But we will send them anyway, and we will allow those of them that went into the armed services because they didn”t manage to get into college *still* rain down Hell and fire on your worthless hides.

It will all come down on you, because we”re nuts enough to give all four of our branches of military services extremely powerful and deadly aircraft even though only one of them is actually called the Air Force.

Picking a fight with the most insane nation on Earth with the hope that your message and influence will spread throughout the world, well, that”s just downright stupid.

Osama the Grinch

Unfortunately, I was forwarded the following without the author”s name, but I liked it and wanted to share it:


Every U down in U-ville liked U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far East of
U-ville, did not. The Binch hated U.S.!
the whole U.S. way! Now don”t ask me why,
for nobody can say, It could be his turban
was screwed on too tight. Or the sun from
the desert had beaten too bright But I
think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes
too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his
turban, He stood facing U-ville, the part
that was urban. “They”re doing their
business,” he snarled from his perch.
“They”re raising their families! They”re
going to church! They”re leading the
world, and their empire is thriving, I
MUST keep the S”s and U”s from surviving!”
Tomorrow, he knew, all the U”s and the
S”s, Would put on their pants and their
shirts and their dresses, They”d go to
their offices, playgrounds and schools,
And abide by their U and S values and
rules,
And then they”d do something he liked
least of all, Every U down in U-ville, the
tall and the small, Would stand all
united, each U and each S, And they”d sing
U-ville”s anthem, “God bless us! God
bless!” All around their Twin Towers of
U-ville, they”d stand, and their voices
would drown every sound in the land.
“I must stop that singing,” Binch said
with a smirk, And he had an idea–an idea
that might work! The Binch stole some U
airplanes in U morning hours, And crashed
them right into the U-ville Twin Towers.
“They”ll wake to disaster!” he snickered,
so sour, “And how can they sing when they
can”t find a tower?”
The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from
their sleeping, All set to enjoy their
U-wailing and weeping, Instead he heard
something that started quite low, And it
built up quite slow, but it started to
grow– And the Binch heard the most
unpredictable thing… And he couldn”t
believe it–they started to sing!
He stared down at U-ville, not trusting
his eyes, What he saw was a shocking,
disgusting surprise! Every U down in
U-ville, the tall and the small, Was
singing! Without any towers at all! He
HADN”T stopped U-Ville from singing! It
sung! For down deep in the hearts of the
old and the young, Those Twin Towers were
standing, called Hope and called Pride,
And you can”t smash the towers we hold
deep inside.
So we circle the sites where our heroes
did fall, With a hand in each hand of the
tall and the small, And we mourn for our
losses while knowing we”ll cope, For we
still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope.
For America means a bit more than tall
towers, It means more than wealth or
political powers, It”s more than our
enemies ever could guess, So may God bless
America! Bless us! God bless!

Valentine to Osama

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.

“Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”

David’s father thinks a bit then says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” David says.

“Why Osama Bin Laden?” his father asks in shock.

“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

His father’s heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. “David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I know,” David says. “And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him.”