Kyoto Pact Update

The hotly debated Kyoto pact has yet to be ratified by enough members of the United Nations. The pact requires industrialized countries to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions by 8% of the 1990 levels between 2008 and 2012.  The US alone accounted for 36.1% of greenhouse emissions in 1990. Japan and all members of the European Union have ratified the agreement, but the world’s biggest polluter opted out of the pact last year, arguing that its economic interests would be threatened.  EGI has learned that the US actually opposes other parts of the agreement.

The Bush administration is opposed to the agreement because it calls for a global ban on Witch burnings.  The agreement states that the burning of a single Witch generates more greenhouse gases than a volcanic eruption.

Reverend Rob Patterson of the United Christian Coalition told EGI, “Burning is the only method by which a Witch can be permanently destroyed.  Any other method risk the Witch escaping or transferring her spirit into an unsuspecting host.”

The United Christian Coalition and other religious groups account for most of the Bush administrations political and financial base.

Russia is also wavering on ratification of the pact, but for different reasons.  Another section of the pact calls for the creation of alternative fuel sources, including the production of gasohol using alcohol created from potatoes.

Although the Russian government sees this as a potential economic boom, they are worried that the cost of Vodka may be negatively impacted.  Vladimir Putin told EGI,  “We cannot risk our people not being able to afford Vodka.  It is a staple to the Russian family.”

Annotated Friday – iPod Random 10 + 1

  1. I Want You Now (Depeche Mode)
  2. Ana Ng (They Might Be Giants)*
  3. Runaway Train (Soul Asylum)
  4. Think About Me (The Tubes)**
  5. Popsicle (Talking Heads) ***
  6. Hearing Aid (They Might Be Giants)
  7. Spring (Ned’s Atomic Dustbin)
  8. Whoah (Midnight Oil)
  9. Private Life (Oingo Boingo)
  10. Cry Little Sister (Gerald McMann)****
  11. Everything Counts (Depeche Mode)*****

* Probably my favorite TMBG song
** Not my favorite Tubes song
*** Somehow I don’t think this song is about popsicles.  I don’t even really like this song, but I keep forgetting to take it off the iPod.
**** John and I were such jerks growing up – “Are you going to cry Barb?  Are you?  Are you going to cry? ”
*****  My kids used to love this song – we would play the Air Drums while driving in the van.

Surprise Box

Allison brought home a surprise box from her class yesterday. The idea is, you put something in the box and then write three clues so that people can guess what’s in the box.

Clue 1: It came from Utah

Clue 2: It is made of stone

Clue 3: This Replica’s Relatives Evolved into Avians

Allison didn’t think clue 3 would work for her 3rd grade class, so she used

Clue 3: It’s a model of a terrible lizard

Continue reading

Of Eggs and Spiders

By Allison Hofer

I like eggs that are fried. I also like spiders. But not when they are fried. Eggs are fun. Spiders are also fun but not when they are venomous. I like to teach spiders to swim in the toilet. Spiders are freaky eight-legged creatures. Eggs are not freaky, nor are they eight-legged creatures. Except when they are spider eggs and they are hatching.

Spiders and Eggs do not get along well. Once I was frying an egg on the street, but two spiders were trapped under it and died. I didn’t eat the spider omelet. It needed salt. I like eggs without spiders in them. And I like spiders without eggs on them.

One time I found a bunch of spiders under my bike. All of the sudden, my dog Jack started chasing the spiders. It wasn’t much of a chase, since they were small and relatively slow and Jack is big and relatively fast. He ate them. He didn’t say how they tasted on account of him being a dog. He threw up in the grass later. I’m not sure if that’s because he ate spiders or because he was drinking out of the magic well that I use for teaching spiders how to swim. He didn’t say how that tasted either.

Fantasy Football

Having Drew Brees on my Fantasy Football team made this post really hit home.

Dear Drew Brees,
As your fantasy football owner and a concerned fan, I respectfully request that you stop sucking. Your very manhood may depend on it. According to evolutionary psychologist David M, Buss, it is a well-documented phenomenon that testosterone levels in males fluctuate with the outcome of sporting events. Winners experience a boost of testosterone and mood while losers of athletic competition experience a decrease of testosterone.

So you’re now 0-3, you threw about four too many interceptions Monday night, and let’s be honest. That fumble in the fourth quarter? You just dropped it didn’t you. It looks like you’ve had a lot of testosterone-dropping moments this season, and I have to warn you: If you continue on this painful trajectory, you could wake up one morning to find you’ve developed female secondary characteristics. You’ll never be able to enter a locker room again! Ok… I’m kidding about the breasts, but if you won’t step it up for you, do it for your fans. Studies show that male sports fans experience similar drops in testosterone after their team suffers a loss.

At least I have two other decent QB’s on my roster (Hasselbeck & Kitna) and haven’t played Brees since his horrible first outing.  I’m really tempted to kick him to the waiver wire so I can add another receiver.

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