Of Eggs and Spiders

By Allison Hofer

I like eggs that are fried. I also like spiders. But not when they are fried. Eggs are fun. Spiders are also fun but not when they are venomous. I like to teach spiders to swim in the toilet. Spiders are freaky eight-legged creatures. Eggs are not freaky, nor are they eight-legged creatures. Except when they are spider eggs and they are hatching.

Spiders and Eggs do not get along well. Once I was frying an egg on the street, but two spiders were trapped under it and died. I didn’t eat the spider omelet. It needed salt. I like eggs without spiders in them. And I like spiders without eggs on them.

One time I found a bunch of spiders under my bike. All of the sudden, my dog Jack started chasing the spiders. It wasn’t much of a chase, since they were small and relatively slow and Jack is big and relatively fast. He ate them. He didn’t say how they tasted on account of him being a dog. He threw up in the grass later. I’m not sure if that’s because he ate spiders or because he was drinking out of the magic well that I use for teaching spiders how to swim. He didn’t say how that tasted either.

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