Kyoto Pact Update

The hotly debated Kyoto pact has yet to be ratified by enough members of the United Nations. The pact requires industrialized countries to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions by 8% of the 1990 levels between 2008 and 2012.  The US alone accounted for 36.1% of greenhouse emissions in 1990. Japan and all members of the European Union have ratified the agreement, but the world’s biggest polluter opted out of the pact last year, arguing that its economic interests would be threatened.  EGI has learned that the US actually opposes other parts of the agreement.

The Bush administration is opposed to the agreement because it calls for a global ban on Witch burnings.  The agreement states that the burning of a single Witch generates more greenhouse gases than a volcanic eruption.

Reverend Rob Patterson of the United Christian Coalition told EGI, “Burning is the only method by which a Witch can be permanently destroyed.  Any other method risk the Witch escaping or transferring her spirit into an unsuspecting host.”

The United Christian Coalition and other religious groups account for most of the Bush administrations political and financial base.

Russia is also wavering on ratification of the pact, but for different reasons.  Another section of the pact calls for the creation of alternative fuel sources, including the production of gasohol using alcohol created from potatoes.

Although the Russian government sees this as a potential economic boom, they are worried that the cost of Vodka may be negatively impacted.  Vladimir Putin told EGI,  “We cannot risk our people not being able to afford Vodka.  It is a staple to the Russian family.”