Earth’s Solar System to be demolished.

by Arnie Geddon (6/9/2003)

EGI sources have learned that the Earth’s solar system is being targeted for demolition by the Milkyway Department Of Transportation (MDOT). MDOT officials have confirms that they have had plans to expand the Starport near Alpha Centauri for decades and that several solar systems are being considered for elimination, but the Earth’s solar system is definately the front runner.

When asked about the large number of creatures that would be displaced by the Earth’s destruction, MDOT officials cited Iminent Domain.

Kurlak Mulhutch (MDOT engineer) stated – “We are still considering several plans, but getting rid of the Sun and its handful of planets is probably the most economical. The number of planets to eliminate is insignificant and the star is relatively small. Most of the other systems have historical significance or are showing signs of developing microbial life.”

“There are two environmental groups opposed to this plan due to the number of unique species that are only native to the earth, but honestly, besides a handful of water mammals and various reptiles, there aren’t any animals that are worth saving. Still, there are plans to transport a significant number of creatures to the various zoos around the galaxy.”

When asked if he intended to place humans in zoos, Mr. Mulhutch responded – “Certainly not. We would never consider placing humans in zoos, even if a zoo was interested in keeping them, which I doubt. Obviously you are aware of the ban on transporting dangerous creatures across the galaxy. Seriously though, even if we don’t wipe out their solar system, its only a matter of time before the humans finish the job themselves.”

On the plus side, if the Earth is not destroyed, it will become prime real estate for weary interstellar travellers.

The final decision on which solar system(s) would be destroyed should be completed within 200 Earth days, with demolision scheduled to begin by Earth year 2023 with a target completion of 2637.

BREAKING NEWS: World Ends in a blast

by Arnie Geddon (5/5/2003)

Eon Galactic Inquirer sources have reported that at 6:55 pm EST today, the planet Earth was destroyed when the star known as the Sun went supernova. The fiery eruption melted all 9 planets in the solar system instantaneously in an amazing display of raw power.

Eyewitnesses say the force and heat of the explosion could be felt for miles away. The cause of the supernova is not yet known, but foul play has not been ruled out.

The planet earth was home to more than 4 Billion humans, as well as other, more tolerable and pleasant creatures. None are believed to have survived this catastrophe.

EGI has attempted to contact a number of world leaders to confirm these reports and for comment, including the United States President George Bush, but none have returned our calls. The only official comment on this report came from the former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf.

In his statement, Mr. Sahaf said – “The world did not end. The Earth was not destroyed. Only the United States was destroyed, and this was caused not by some ‘Super’ nova, but by the holy fires of Allah.”

As Mr. Sahaf’s credibility has been lacking of late, and since EGI has not received a formal response from any other world leader, we are fairly certain that the Earth was in fact destroyed.