by Arnie Geddon (5/5/2003)
Eon Galactic Inquirer sources have reported that at 6:55 pm EST today, the planet Earth was destroyed when the star known as the Sun went supernova. The fiery eruption melted all 9 planets in the solar system instantaneously in an amazing display of raw power.
Eyewitnesses say the force and heat of the explosion could be felt for miles away. The cause of the supernova is not yet known, but foul play has not been ruled out.
The planet earth was home to more than 4 Billion humans, as well as other, more tolerable and pleasant creatures. None are believed to have survived this catastrophe.
EGI has attempted to contact a number of world leaders to confirm these reports and for comment, including the United States President George Bush, but none have returned our calls. The only official comment on this report came from the former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf.
In his statement, Mr. Sahaf said – “The world did not end. The Earth was not destroyed. Only the United States was destroyed, and this was caused not by some ‘Super’ nova, but by the holy fires of Allah.”
As Mr. Sahaf’s credibility has been lacking of late, and since EGI has not received a formal response from any other world leader, we are fairly certain that the Earth was in fact destroyed.
by Gil Le Bell (5/5/2003)
For years the US government has complained about the short comings of elementary education in the United States. Despite recent attempts to improve the education system, reading, science and math have continued to lag other developed countries. This week, it seems that geography and current events are also a point of concern.
Throughout the US led war against Saddam Hussien, the Iraqi Information Minister has held firm to his conviction that US troops were no where near Baghdad and in-fact not even in the country of Iraq. It turns out that he was telling the truth the entire time.
Reliable sources have told EGI that the US accidentally invaded the country of Iran instead of Iraq. Repeated attempts have been made to contact the General Franks and US President George Bush. Neither has returned calls.
To verify what the sources were saying, EGI conducted an independant survey of 300 US citizens. Most of them could not identify Iraq on a map, and when shown pictures to identify Saddam Hussien, most pointed to the picture of Fidel Castro, with Osama Bin Laden receiving the next largest amount of votes.
General Tommy Franks went on record as saying, “Sure geography is a problem with some of our enlisted men, but command staff has a much better grasp. Ah hell, Iran was next on the list anyway. This is actually better. Now we can just cross the Iranian borders to attack both Iraq and Korea.”
Frank has decided to start reposting old EGI (Eon Galactic Inquirer) posts on slow days. I’ve decided to follow suit and pull a few of the stories written anonymously under the pseudonyms Arnie Geddon and Gil Le Bell and repost them here on Sundays.
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* They are satire folks – don’t take them, or yourselves too seriously. It’s amazing how many people thought that they were real when they were originally posted .