On the plus side

At least if McCain – Palin win in November, we can look forward to more Tina Fey –

It’s kind of hard to tell which is the parody:

Here’s the actual Palin – Couric transcript:

COURIC: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? Allow them to spend more, and put more money into the economy, instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

Hat Tip: Pharyngula, Dispatches

End of the World Blog Shorts
Now with Pictures

  • Ben has made a startling discovery – The Eye of Sauron at the Olympic games:eye_of_sauron.jpg
  • This is really scary, because as Ben pointed out, we don’t know if this is the first, second, or third coming of Sauron.  Don’t blame me if I take the Saruman route and join with Sauron.
  • In other news, I’m thinking of joining PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Hadrons).  As the article states, “There’s a limited supply of hadrons in the universe. Do we just want to go around destroying them? What if we run out? What if the hadrons can feel pain? Will we look back at this hundreds of years from now and regret it? Kinda like we do with the killing of bacteria with antibiotics now”

Email

Email I received:

Mr. Hofer

It has come to our attention that you have been accurately predicting Powerball® numbers on your website http://blog.hofer.us. We respectfully ask that in fairness to others playing the game that you cease predicting and publishing Powerball® numbers prior to the drawings.

We would also appreciate if you would not play the lottery as you would possess an unfair advantage over other players.

We hope that you will take this email into consideration and that we will not have to pursue this further with our attorneys. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Wayne Dolezal, Director of Business and Legal Affairs

Multi-State Lottery Association
4400 N.W. Urbandale Drive
Urbandale, Iowa 50322
515.453.1400

So unfortunately I will be unable to provide any more winning numbers.  Sorry folks.

Spy network in your neighborhood.

By Gil Le Bell (8/4/2003)

EGI has just learned that a number of local stores are actually home of an international spy organization. The discovery was made when beat reporter Gil Le Bell noticed that a number of Walgreens pharmacies were going up within a few blocks of each other. In the St. Louis metropolitain area alone, one cannot travel more than 2 to 3 miles on any road without coming across a Walgreens.

Cole Dewed with the FBI went on record as saying, “The frequency of the stores, the average to above average prices of thier products, and the fact that they are all open 24 hours was a pretty good indication that something did not add up. Why would you need that many pharmacy/convenience stores that close together? The answer, of course, is you don’t. They can’t possibly be making money.”

When the FBI investigated Walgreens, they discovered a wide variety of everyday people going into the store at all hours of the day and night. Mr. Dewed explained, “As everyone knows, any good spy would appear to be an everyday person. They would not want to standout.”

Of course the smoking gun was the fact that all of the Walgreen’s stores are linked by satellite. This allows secret agents to quickly dump critical information off at any drive-thru pharmacy and have the information instantly available anywhere in the world.

It is believed that Russia, China, Iran, and Paraguay purchase information from the Walgreen’s spy organization.

Note: Walgreen’s is actually a reverse acronym for “Spies Needing Easy Escape Routes Given Limited Available Weapons”

Final Conflict set for Thursday

By Arnie Geddon (7/7/2003)

In a press release issued earlier today, God and Satan have agreed to have there final battle for the souls of all living men on Thursday. The two plan to meet in Las Vegas, Nevada for a pay-per-view event.

“I’m gonna beat the hell out of him. He knows he can’t take me. I’ve been kicking his ass for years”, stated God in the pre-fight press conference.

“He knows I’m the baddest mutha (#%*& that he’s ever seen. He doesn’t stand a chance. I’ve been looking forward to this forever.”, replied Satan

Each fighter is guaranteed 100 million souls for participating in the fight. The winner will receive approximately 4 billion souls. Vegas is currently placing odds at 3/2 in favor of God, but experts expect the odds to be even money by the day of the fight.

Those watching the fight will be treated to a front row seat to the apocalypse, which will begin immediately following the fight.